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Aug. 23rd, 2008


i'll speak ahead of you!!

Okay! I haven't posted lately, so I'll give you the blow-by-blow day-by-day.

August 18th: I spent the night at Samantha's to make the next day more convienient. I still didn't know whether I was pregnant or not.

August 19th: Woke up at 7am or so and went horse feeding with her and her mother. It took way too long. We were there until almost 11. We got Jack In The Box before going to the gym. Ironic, I know, but we did it. We worked out for a good two and a half hours. The pool was supposed to be closed from this day to the 27th, but people went inside, so we followed suit. It was awesome. The steam room was too steamy. The sauna was awesome. The whirlpool made me want to orgasm and the pool was just a pool. I went out with Zach later that night and we watched Tropic Thunder. Funny. A lot of inconsistencies, but Tom Cruise saved it. We got Del Taco after the movie. I ate too much.

August 20th: I don't quite remember. I worked out with my father for the first time since getting my membership. He did better than I thought he was going to. He only lasted an hour, but the hour was consistent. I feel like more was done, but I don't recall.

August 21st: I cleaned the house (I think). Around 6pm, my mother, who I rarely see/speak to came over to take me school clothes shopping. I don't need school clothes from being in Independent Studies, but my father wants to milk her for all she's worth. DD's is a local discount store around here. You know -- the kind of store that has just slightly messed up items of clothing/shoes/sheets/etc. so they sell them at a discounted price. I absolutely love stores like that and DD's is by far my favorite, but since that time was my first in there, I was especially excited. I didn't know it was so great until I got inside. My mother spent 215 dollars on me. I got 2 pair of shoes (high heels, actually), 3 pairs of pants, 3 skirts, and 21 tops. I don't know about you, but I think that's awful impressive for 215 dollars. Sam, Steven, and I were supposed to go bowling around nine, but I didn't get home until ten. The bowling alley ended up being packed anyway. My father's birthday is on the 23rd and I still hadn't gone shopping for him, so we hit up a Safeway and ended up getting some cake mix and shit. I ended up getting crazy with the birthday sweets for my father today, but I'll explain that when I get to it. Sam spent the night that night. We stayed up until three in the morning. It was fun. I'm getting better at one-on-one hanging out.

August 22nd: I had to finish up birthday shopping for my father, so Sam, Craig, and I took a bus to Eastridge (a moderately local mall). Sam ended up buying a Harvest Moon game that I'm totally going to steal off of her when she gets bored of it, and I bought my father a PSP game and a kick ass card that he actually ended up liking. He rarely likes birthday cards. My father and I worked out. He didn't last as long as I wanted him to, but I have to be patient about that.

Today (August 23rd): Today was fucking awesome. But I'm bored of LiveJournal. BBLLOL.

Aug. 18th, 2008



I'm back up to 130lbs.

EDIT @ 9:13pm: I got a gym membership today. I'm underage, so my father had to go in with me. He's well over 300lbs, so him going in seemed ironic. What's even more ironic is that he decided to get a membership as well. I was so excited I almost pissed myself. Then, later today I beat my father at Puzzle Fighter in 25 seconds when the fastest the both of us have ever defeated the other is 34. I'm honestly afraid something really bad is around the corner. I pray I'm not pregnant.

Aug. 16th, 2008


i lead in customer servicing

My day was not productive in the slightest. Sam, Steven, Craig (an old friend), Britney (an older half-friend half-whore), and I went skating at a local roller rink last night. Long story short: Britney was flirting with another guy, I called her out on it, Britney and Craig had a mutual break up.

Sam and Steven spent the night, and I slept on the floor, which I don't mind in the slightest. I actually really enjoy it. I took a five hour "nap" on my floor just today. I felt incredibly lazy and restless after I woke up, so I decided to get the rest of Jim's (exboyfriend) shit out of my house. Keep in mind, it was going on 9 when I left and I had to bike with a garbage bag full of clothing to a house 3 to 4 miles away. I eventually stuffed the garbage bag in my tiny backpack. I don't know how I did it, but I did it. I love biking like a motherfucker. I actually learned how to ride without using my hands tonight. I'm not sure if I should be proud of myself. It kind of just happened.

After I got to Jim's place, I gave his mother the garbage bag and told her how much I missed her after asking how the rest of the family was. Jim obviously wasn't there. He never is. I wasn't there to see him though. Ironically enough, as I was biking off of his street, I hear my name called. Low and behold, it's Jim with two of his friends. We made small talk and he told me how horrible my hair looked. I cut it when I get depressed or stressed, so it changes often. I'm actually running out of hair. I need to stop that. His friends were pretty funny. One they had nicknamed Koala and he demonstrated how he gained the name by jumping on the back of the other friend. It was so cute. He totally looked like a koala. Jim asked for a hug before I left just as he always does and when I gave him the *Awkward Half-Hug, he demanded a full hug. I hate that I'm still in love with that fucker. I'll get over it eventually.

Then I biked home. The end.

* Awkward Half-Hug from octopuspie.com. Read that shit.

Aug. 14th, 2008


Originally uploaded by bear suit polaroid
Bryan Lee O'Malley is such a trend setter.

Aug. 13th, 2008



I got the shittiest photographer. He took a neck up picture when he should've took a bust shot. Everyone got a great picture but me. Asshole photographer. How hard is it, you know? Oh well. Going back to that school made me realize I don't want to go back ever again. I just want to throw all of my old friends in a bag and have them with me always.

But I can't do that.

I hate knowing all my dreams can't come true. I mean they can, but with shitloads of effort. Literally shitloads. I fell asleep after eating McDonald's today and I wanted to shoot myself when I woke up. I want to take singing classes and guitar classes, but I'm so anti-social still that I'd still pretty much prefer never getting any better. Fuck. I want to be thin. I want to have talent. I want to like myself.

Aug. 12th, 2008


who's got hotter lips: jolie or hilde?

Samantha (my best friend) and Steven (her boyfriend) are over right now and have been for a while, so I apologize for not posting earlier. They're having affections in my room and I'm envious. I'm so very not used to being single. Oh well.

I woke up much earlier than usual today; my usual being 11am and the time I woke up today being 6:40. I had a pseudo-job interview today with Samantha for a two day janitor job at a Catholic church. It's supposedly during some sort of festival, but I'm not one to ask questions, especially since I got the job. I'll get a decent chunk of change and it'll give me something to put on the non-existent resume I need to eventually assemble. I went into the interview office -- the bitch shook my hand and immediately told me that the lip ring will need to be out during the festival. She tried to play it off like she was one of the people that didn't mind it and that it was just a way to "express myself," but I could totally tell she was thinking otherwise. Still, I completely understand that this is what society demands of me in the workplace, so I'll put up with it. She was a nice chick regardless. Too talkative and very flighty, but who am I to judge? I'm just glad my hair covered my gauges. She would've gone batshit seeing as I've gone up to double zeros already. Ironically, from getting up so early, I ended up having a lot more energy than usual. That is, until I got home from breakfast at Denny's with Samantha, her mother, younger brother, and eldest brother's girlfriend. I passed out as soon as I got settled in at home.

Gregg ordered me a bass guitar as an early birthday gift two days ago and had it shipped to my house. I got it today. Unfortunately, I fell asleep shortly after I got it and I only got to play with it for a bit before Samantha came over and I got real busy. My sister and her boyfriend were here as well, and Samantha brought her dog over, so we had a good time letting my Luna play with her Luna. My dog's name is Luna and she named her dog Luna as well. Not sure why, seeing as my dog is as white as the moon and her Luna is tiny as shit and as black as the night. Maybe it's the night factor, seeing as the moon's most visible when it's dark. I'm not sure. Either way, it was fun. If I had a memory card for my phone, I'd transfer the pictures I took and enlighten all of you with electrical tape Hitler mustaches.

Regardless of the fact that I'm in Independent Studies, I still have to get my school picture taken just in case I come back to my old high school mid-year. "Picture Day" is tomorrow and I'll admit, I'm excited to see all the friends I left behind because I'm an anti-social vagina. I don't want another shitty picture. Fucking photographers making me stick my neck out to give me an Adam's Apple and make me hate myself.

Aug. 11th, 2008


you're content, aren't you? I can tell.

My ex boyfriend and I got into a fight just as we were on the brink of getting back together and now we're not speaking. I'm a little upset, but not nearly as upset as the last time he cut ties with me. I guess it's because this time it's a mutual decision. My best friend, Gregg, who I've known since I was eleven, is finally going through with moving out to California. Much to my friends displeasure and/or amusement, he's moving in with me, my father, and my sister. Bear in mind, Gregg is also an ex boyfriend. Bear in mind, he's paying rent. My family and myself are in the process of cleaning my sister's old room for Gregg to live in while my sister situates herself in my mother's room. My mother doesn't live with my immediate family, nor has she for a couple of years. My father sleeps in the living room because of back related issues. He sleeps in a recliner. I was skittish about the concept of Gregg moving in at first, but we're truly on a friend basis, and if we ever go past that -- Well. What happens happens. I've gradually gotten more and more excited as days have progressed. He'll keep me occupied and I hate being bored and not having something to do. It'll be like that new puppy I wanted. Except he wants to fuck me.

. . .

Tags: ,

Jul. 29th, 2008




Jul. 28th, 2008

God damnit.

I hung out with my exboyfriend today. I texted the guy I'm half dating and told him what I was doing. I got a mixtape CD from him again. I'm torn, and still in love with my ex, but I know I need to get over him.


Jul. 27th, 2008


I'm more sorry.

I'll post an entry either today or tomorrow.

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